When Someone Believes In You

If you have read my last, ‘About Life' post, you'll know I made a decision, ten years ago, to leave my old life and start again. Now, I know a lot of people will say ‘you should have done that years ago', and they would be right! Others will think I must be soft in the head to let what other people think affect me like that, but that's to ignore the fact we're all different, and we all react to things in different ways. If you've felt like a misfit who's been trying to fit in for years, you'll know exactly what I mean! Anyway, like I said in the last post, this isn't a ‘self-pity piece', this is about how, if something's not working, it's never too late to change.

The reason I'm talking about this now, is because it's Christmas time, and it reminds me how my first Christmas on my own was quite weird. I was with my own family, but being on my own I felt a bit like an outsider. I decided right there that I didn't intend to be on my own for much longer, but how do you meet someone new when you've been out of the market for thirty years and your self-confidence is rock bottom? I figured internet dating would be the answer, and lucky for me, at about the same time, my wife Mary, was coming to exactly the same conclusion!

We arranged our first date towards the end of January, but I was so nervous, and so sure she wouldn't like me, I made up an excuse and didn't go! But I knew I was just being stupid and the guilt soon got to me. We re-arranged for the following weekend, and hit it off straight away. That was nine years ago, and we've been together ever since, moving to Wales in May 2014, and marrying the following August.

Just a week or so before we married, I published the first Dave Slater Mystery novel. This is significant because it's something I would never have been able to do without Mary's belief in me. Remember, when I first met Mary my self-confidence was so low I actually chickened out of our first date because she might not like me. Now here I was publishing a book. Just think how many people might not like that, and were being given the opportunity to say so where all the world could see their comments. That's quite a transformation, but how did it happen?

The Power Of Belief

My life had gone full circle. Whereas I had been so unhappy I had become depressed, I was now so happy my whole demeanour and attitude had changed. There's no doubt removing myself from the source of my unhappiness was a big step forward, but it was finding Mary that made the biggest difference. After a lifetime of being told, ‘you won't be any good at that', I suddenly had someone in my life who said, ‘I believe you can do that, why don't you give it a try?'

I can promise you, it takes a lot of getting used to, but when you hear it often enough, you start to think ‘what if she's right?' Of course, that idea quickly gets pushed aside and you remember your mantra, ‘what if they don't like it?' and it's back to normal. Or, at least, it's back to normal until someone keeps insisting, ‘but what if they do like it?' And, eventually, your confidence begins to grow, you begin to believe in yourself, until finally, you take that leap….

And, I was right, some of them didn't like it…. but so many more did like it, that it didn't really matter. Now, of course, with experience and knowledge, I'm confident enough to know I'm never going to please everyone, and I accept everyone is entitled to their opinion, whether I agree, or not. But I know I would never have got here without the power of that belief behind me from the start.

I chose to make a drastic change to my life, but I'm not for one moment suggesting anyone else should do the same. I was desperate, and I knew something had to change. It's worked out it was the best thing I ever did, but that's because I then met someone who was prepared to invest their time and belief in me. I'm a really lucky man, and I know it.

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21 comments
Alan CURRY says January 4, 2017

Peter

Once again your honesty is very refreshing and I understand where you’re coming from.

I bailed out at 50 and moved to France, on my own, and started a new life.

I’ve been here 17 years now, still waiting to meet “Mary” or “Sue” or “Giselle”??

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    Pete says January 4, 2017

    Hi Alan,
    It was a no-brainer situation for me. I wouldn’t be here now if I hadn’t made that decision. I was very lucky to meet Mary as soon as I did, and even luckier to find she liked me too!

    Reply
      Trevor says January 4, 2017

      Much the same for me Pete.
      It also took a ”leap in the dark” move from a Hampshire town full of bad memories to a small town in Dorset.
      I have never looked back.

      Reply
        Pete says January 4, 2017

        Hi Trevor,
        There must be something in the Hampshire air! We moved out here to Wales just over two years ago. It was the final step in our new start.

        Reply
      Lenore says January 6, 2017

      Go for it life is so short

      Reply
Nigel Forder says January 4, 2017

Hi Pete.
Have a very Happy and productive New Year.
Great story. After my late wife of 24 years died, I too found it difficult to meet someone else, but knew i didn’t want to be on my own. I tried a dating site and had a few dates but nothing was working, then I saw Janet’s profile on the site and even though there was a distance of 70 miles between us, it just struck a chord. After we made contact with each other we talked on the phone for a couple of months as we were both too busy to meet up. When we finally did meet we knew it was the real thing. We have now been married for eight years and it just gets better. Your story is an inspiration to me and is pushing me to try some self publishing. My late mother wrote a few children’s stories but never got round to sending them in. I think with a bit of editing I might try and take them on for her.
Keep blogging. I am looking forward to the next Dave Slater novel.

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    Pete says January 4, 2017

    Hi Nigel,
    I hear the same story again and again – internet dating may have it’s critics, but for a lot of people it’s a life saver. I’m really pleased to see it’s worked out for you and Janet. Good luck with those children’s stories – it’s not really my market, but if you need any pointers drop me aline and I’ll be glad to help if I can.

    Reply
Susan Van Bibber says January 4, 2017

Met my husband on the internet, too. After being single for 40 plys years and thinking I would always be alone, I met my “Mary” whose name is Steve. We have been together 9 years now, married 8. He loves me for who I am.

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    Pete says January 4, 2017

    Hi Susan,
    I know so many people who ‘met their partner online’ – I’m sure I’d still be single if it wasn’t for that.

    Reply
Nancy Jo Brown says January 4, 2017

Happiest Wishes from Arizona, I have been happily married for 32 years, moved from Iowa to meet my honey and have 5 boys who have all but one moved out. Son number one is divorced and we have 2 grandchildren who live with us. This is grand for us, I love having the young ones around to help me keep learning the internet gaming world and they love traveling with us in the RV when they have school breaks. It keeps me busy when not working as RN as Emergency Nurse. Going to retire in 2 years! Going to start writing medical thrillers I think. I love your writing! You are brilliant in my eyes! Keep writing and loving your honey. Thanks Mary for believing in Pete. Want to read your next works soon. Best Wishes this New Year.

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    Pete says January 4, 2017

    Hi Nancy,
    It’s good to see your name pop up again. I can’t wait for you to retire so I can read your first medical thriller!

    Reply
Theresa says January 4, 2017

Always honest and inspiring, one of the many reasons I adore your novels!

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    Pete says January 4, 2017

    Hi Theresa,
    Thank you for your kind words, and for your continued support.

    Reply
Sue W says January 4, 2017

I’m another Internet dating success story! My boyfriend left me…just up and left while I was at work…my father died and I had just been told I had cancer – all in the same week! To say I was devastated for a few weeks is certainly an understatement. Eventually I stopped crying and feeling sorry for myself. Fortunately the cancer diagnosis was wrong, but the other two traumas were still at the forefront of m b mind. I took stock of my life during those weeks and told myself I’d try ‘one more time’ to find my Prince. I registered on four dating sites – two were free, I wasn’t leaving anything to chance. It was only two weeks before I got a little message from a man with a puppy dog look on his face, I thought it was saying ‘pick me, pick me!’. So I did. At the same time we began emailing on that site, we were matched on two others! I knew it was a sign! We met up in June for a Sunday afternoon coffee date that lasted four hours, and then went on a three hour dinner date! He proposed on the following New Year’s day and we were married in the May. This year it will be eight years.

I had thought my life was over, I had thought being emotionally and physically abused was love, but I was so very wrong. I found the confidence from somewhere and took a chance, I believed in myself and I’ve never been happier. Life is so very different now and I have finally been shown what love should feel like.

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    Pete says January 4, 2017

    Hi Sue,
    You had a lot more to get through than I ever did, but you made it. I’m so happy for you. Welcome to the happy ever after club!

    Reply
Susan says January 5, 2017

Hi Pete! Love that you finally took the plunge to meet your wife and are so happy. I met my husband who was a neighbor when we were both going thru bad divorces, and I have never been so happy in my life! We’ve been together almost 17 years now, and I kick myself we never met years ago. Life is too short to not be happy. I, like so many of your readers look forward to your next book, as they bring so much enjoyment to us all. Thanks for sharing your story with us.

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    Pete says January 5, 2017

    Hi Susan,
    I did kick myself for a while, but now I take the view maybe we weren’t meant to meet all those years ago. We would both have been different people then, and perhaps it would have been the wrong time for us. Whatever, you’re right about life being too short not to be happy!

    Reply
Dave Jones says January 5, 2017

Just finished your latest book , What’s in a name , I really enjoyed it . Excellent plot and keeping the original caricature. . Look forward to the next one , you have opened up a whole new world of possibilities.
Great blog , good luck.
Dave.

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    Margaret says January 5, 2017

    Unlike the previous posters I have been fortunate enough to have been married for a long time, I would just like to say how much I admire you all for your courage and how nice it is to read you all found happiness eventually.

    To return to the subject of book, I am looking forward to reading it, but I am having a bit of difficulty downloading it to my ipad

    Reply
Lillian Mckeag says January 5, 2017

Hi Pete, I am so very happy for you – you are a very courageous man to take the step you did, and it’s just lovely to read that you met Mary, who is your inspiration and support. She is a very special lady, and you are very special too, as an author and also as a person, and Mary saw that right away. I wish you all the success in the world with your books, as you are a brilliant author who makes the people and events come to life, and take it from someone who is 70 years young and has been a reader for more years than I care to remember! very few even highly acclaimed authors can do that. Keep up the good work. Lillian. x

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Sue Lyons says January 9, 2017

Thanks for your ‘ramblings’, I am so pleased you and Mary found each other….it’s always so lovely to hear a true, happy, love story… and that she gave you the support and confidence to go ahead with your writing… which I also thank you for as they always keep me hooked. X

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